I've always avoided the subject of the Westboro Baptist Church, for a few reasons. For one, I didn't want to write something in anger, which has proven difficult to manage at times. Secondly, It's difficult to say anything neutral about one of the most despicable hate groups in the United States, and I do try to be fair when I write. Thirdly, and possibly most importantly, my parents always told me to never pick on someone simply because they aren't as intelligent as you are. Well, I woke up this morning, and my attitude has changed. Maybe it's because my friend Jewel posted a comment about it on Facebook. Maybe it has something to do with the hilarious Weekend Update bit on last night's SNL, where they said even the devil hates these people. Maybe it's because it's raining, maybe it's because I had some dream I can't remember, or perhaps it has something to do with the alignment of the stars and Jupiter's third moon. All I do know is that the gloves are coming off, and today is the day where I finally express exactly how I feel about the Westboro Baptist Church, and anyone and everyone who agrees with their positions. I'll try to refrain from the abundant use of expletive infixation I typically use in casual conversation whenever this subject arises. Maybe that's another reason.
I'm not what most would call a person of faith. I'm not an atheist; I tend to call myself an agnostic that leans somewhat heavily toward the existence of god. I believe in an afterlife, and I have my own ideas of what heaven and hell would be like, but I don't know for certain what they are, or if they even exist, and therefore, I have no reason to shove my own version of faith onto others. I'm in a uniquely centralized position to observe both sides of the faith coin equally, without peer pressure or dogma forcing me to say one side is right, or one side is wrong. But as I stated, I do have my own ideas of what heaven and hell are, and I find it comforting to believe that while the Westboro Baptist Church's followers may have the freedom of speech to espouse their hateful, hyperbolic rhetoric here in this life, there's a special, freshly-constructed, state of the art wing in hell that has been built exclusively for them. when they leave us, they'll spend the rest of eternity in Club Torture, where trained specialists with doctorates in pain and suffering will treat them with 'round-the-clock "intensive care." when I said that line to an atheist friend of mine who happens to gay, she replied by saying "that sort of makes me want to believe in the afterlife," though in fairness, I couldn't describe the sorts of torture I hope they receive in hell, not here on Newsvine, anyway. It would be far too graphic!
The Westboro Baptists deserve this special wing of hell, and all of this hellish attention, because there's absolutely no way whatsoever that any god would ever allow these vile jerks into any heaven. Not a chance. Protesting funerals is as sinful as a prostitute taking in intoxicated underage customers on the Sabbath. These are soldiers who died in the name of our Country. I don't agree with either of the two wars we're fighting. But they're heroes, one and all, gay and straight. I don't believe that either Iraq or Afghanistan threatened our freedom, but in the hearts of these soldiers, freedom is what they were fighting for. That includes the freedom of these Westboro Baptists to assemble, to protest, and to speak freely. That makes these people all the more terrible. They're abusing our rights so they can insult and defile the funerals of the very people who died protecting those rights. It doesn't get much more gruesome or repulsive than that.
I believe in true equality for all. Gays and Lesbians should have the right to get married if that's what their hearts ask of them; as comedian Richard Jeni famously put it, "Gays should have the same right to lose half their [stuff] as the rest of the population." It might make you feel uncomfortable. You might get squeamish when you see a same-sex couple holding hands, and you might feel the urge to turn away when you see them kiss, but love is love, and those reactions you experience are nothing more than sub-conscious bigotry rearing its ugly head. It's not your fault you feel that way... it's a societal issue that is slowly but surely dying away one generation after the other, and recognizing it does make you a better person. None of us, regardless of how strongly we view faith, or how adamant we are about this passage of the bible or that, are better-equipped or more adequately prepared to define what true love is, can be, or should be. And none of us are more authoritative on who can get married, or who can't. If you believe gays and lesbians getting marriage certificates and wearing rings will somehow threaten straight marriage, I openly defy you to explain how. But there's a strong and clearly-defined difference between not wanting gays or lesbians to get married, and openly protesting their very existence and trying as hard as you can to make them as uncomfortable as possible. The latter is a form of hatred so repugnant that all else pales in comparison.
Dictionary.com defines the word moron as "a person who is notably stupid or lacking in good judgment." Is it fair to apply this term to the Westboro Baptist Church? Well, let's see, shall we? They certainly are notable, so far as they're famous for what they do, anyway. They're definitely stupid, in that they engage in dim-witted behavior, present gravely-poor misunderstandings of the Christian faith, and are incessantly irritating to most of the Western world, meaning they slam into every possible definition of the word "stupid" with a vengeance. And clearly, they lack any degree of good judgment, because the nation has thus far quite loudly spoken out against them, and I call into question the judgment (and the intentions) of any person or party who protests anything without understanding it. so I think morons is a perfectly fair and academically-sound title for the members of the Westboro Baptist Church. And while the god of the New Testament is a pretty groovy dude, the Old Testament god was full of anger, and where there's anger, there is usually a fair amount of hatred, too. And I firmly believe that any respectable god would consider these folks to be morons. Therefore, in some convoluted way, I've come to the conclusion that god hates morons. Well, he certainly hates these morons, anyway. They represent everything that the Old Testament god would have spited, and they stand against everything the New Testament god symbolizes. So everytime you see these folks marching around with signs that say things like "god hates f**s," try to find solace, if you can, in realizing that god actually hates them.
I believe wholeheartedly that everyone should have the right to follow and practice any faith they so desire, or no faith at all. Some ill-informed citizens may beg to differ when I state that the United States is a secular nation, but at the end of the day, that's precisely what we are: You're free in this country to believe in whatever gods and/ or goddesses you so desire, or not to, as you so choose. But there was once a scene in the show South Park where everyone arrived in hell, wondering why they showed up there, and hell's tour guide-like figure explained that Mormons were the ones that had guessed correctly and went to heaven, while everyone else went to hell, having followed the wrong faith. If this ends up being true, and we all end up in hell only to discover that the Westboro Baptist Church had the faith we all needed to follow in order to get into heaven, then please be sure to hold me to this for the rest of eternity: If the Westboro Baptist Church's people are getting into heaven, then hell must be a pretty fantastic place.




