As most of us predicted, the rapture never happened on May 21st, 2011. If you asked "who saw that coming," we could safely respond by saying "almost everyone." But hey, at least people were given a good reason to try out some Friday and Saturday night End of the World party ideas, and were inspired to start planning their bigger, more entertaining social gatherings for December 21st, 2012. But not everyone is laughing about the Rapture never coming. The believers in Harold Camping's rapture theories have been scratching their heads -- and even crying -- about the rapture not happening.
Me? I have a different reason to be upset. None of those believers took me up on my bet, made here on Newsvine, that if the world didn't end, they'd give me their money. I'd like to say that was further evidence that no one really believed in this hogwash, as much as they wanted to claim they did. I could also go so far as to say that the people upset about the rapture never... um... rapturing... are vying for attention more than anything else. I guess that would be a rude thing to say. I also guess it's a little late to worry about that; it's already written, and my backspace key is way over there!
Last evening, I decided I would try again with a new wager, this one aimed at a much larger Doomsday crowd: The 2012 believers. And I'm going to further kick things up by involving the rest of you -- those of you who read this article, giggle, and find yourselves hoping someone takes me up on this challenge. You see, I'm absolutely confident that nothing is going to happen on December 21st, 2012. In fact, I'm willing to go a few steps further, and say that the world will not end between January 1st 2012 and January 1st 2013. I'm so confident in this fact, actually, that I'm willing to make a pretty outlandish wager with someone. But is there anyone out there in the world so faithful in their 2012 prophecies that they're willing to put their money where their mouth is? Let's find out!
I will wager literally owning me as a slave against your money that civilization as we know it will still exist at 12:01:00 am (00:01) Eastern Standard Time on January 1st, 2013. Yes, you read that correctly. If civilization has ceased to exist, I will be your actual slave for a period of time that we negotiate, based on the amount of money you put into this wager. It could be a month, it could be the rest of my life. That all depends on how much money goes into this. And that slavery will be doled out on a first-come, first-serve basis, so the first person to wager on this gets me first, the second person gets me second, and so forth. You can make me do whatever you want, and you can freely trade or sell me if you wish to do that, though I'll become the next person's slave when your time expires. You will take ownership of all of my worldly possessions, too. Amounts of money and the period of time during which I'll serve as a slave are all fully negotiable, right down to the last cent and second.
This wager will begin with our setting terms, after which you'll give me a sum of money agreed upon by us. I will spend a reasonable portion of that money preparing a heavy-duty survival kit for myself, to make sure that I'm alive long enough for our rendezvous. I will also spend a reasonable portion of the money traveling to a destination of your choice, where I'll stay for one week during dates that you choose, if you want. The rest of the money (what we'll call "the net") belongs to me. 50% will go to a charity of my own choosing, and the rest of it will be spent by me, however I want and on whatever I want. Any funds remaining and any and all items purchased with that money will return to you if you should win this bet. If civilization should end, I become your slave at the exact moment civilization does end, and your time as my slave master does not begin until I'm in your custody, which I'll be contracted to make happen by any and all means necessary. But if civilization still exists at 12:01am EST on January 1st, 2012, I keep it all; all of the money, all of the property/ items purchased. Of course, if civilization does indeed end, you won't need that money anyway, right?
For the purposes of this wager, we'll define the end of civilization as 51% or more of the world's population being eradicated as the result of one or more global events, natural and/ or man-made, occuring between 12:00:01 am on January 1st, 2012, and 12:01:00 on January 1st, 2013, and/ or the failure of the government of the United States AND whatever country you live in, resulting in any form of nation-wide anarchy in BOTH countries. In other words, if you live in England, there must be no effective government in the United States AND in England.
Where do you readers come into all of this? I need your help making this bet a reality! Tell your apocalypse-weary friends about this offer. Link to it on Facebook. I really want to see someone show the rest of the world that they're serious about the apocalypse, to the point where they're willing to make a wager like this on it. And if you think you'd like to take me on at this bet, feel free to comment below, or email me through Newsvine by clicking on my columnist profile up above and then clicking "Contact this Author." And if you aren't keen on the idea of owning me as a slave, I'm perfectly ready and willing to accept any other wager you'd like to make, because I'm absolutely certain that the 2012 stuff is utter nonsense. If you think I'm wrong about that, I'd love to hear from you, and I'll gladly respect your anonymity (I'll announce that someone has taken me up on this, but I won't identify you in any way unless you grant me permission to do so).
So... any takers? I'll keep everyone posted moving forward, but don't expect anyone to take 2012 seriously enough to wager on it.