It's an undeniable fact that President Obama refuses to comment on:  He has broken wind at least once in the oval office since becoming President!  He owes America an apology for this vile, despicable act.  Does he not realize that not only is he desecrating a historic national landmark, but that he's farting on the legacy of all those Presidents who've sat at the Resolute desk in the past?  And did he crack a window for Democracy?  Probably not!  Socialists don't crack windows!  They demand that everyone else do it for them!

Is this the America our children, and their children, and their children need to live in?  An America where the leader of the free world refuses to take accountability for their actions?  What if you were the Secret Service agent or the White House staffer who was unlucky enough to catch a nasal glimpse of the taco supreme he had for lunch?  A lunch that tax payer dollars paid for?  For claiming to support public sector employees the way they do, Liberals sure are quick to ignore it when one of their own is blasting abuse, aren't they?

We don't know the details of this vile, anus crime.  Did the President uncouthly lean to his side (obviously to his LEFT) to relieve some spleen steam?  Did he childishly instruct someone to tug on his finger?  Did he blame it on Bo (the family's dog), or worse... some foreign dignitary who doesn't speak a word of English?  I don't know that Blobama is that clever.  He probably just looked around anxiously to see who was watching and let her rip.  And being a smoker, he has no reason to have not lit a match!

The person I really feel bad for is Michelle.  It's a well-established scientific statistical fact that 90% of modern couples under the age of 50 have, at some point in their relationships, performed a Dutch oven maneuver, where wind is broken only after the person's significant other is trapped under the blankets.  Michelle Obama is the victim of spousal abuse, getting her special delivery via overnight air mail from a man clearly too immature to be the leader of the free world! 

Can I prove that he's done any of this?  No, I can't.  But come on, seriously, I defy you to name a single room in your home where you haven't cut the cheese.  And we both know you've done it in your office, too!  But like hot air, the President is expected to rise above that sort of behavior.  He's supposed to set an example... not toot his own horn.  It's impossible for the President to have occupied that office for two and a half years and not have left behind an after dinner mint... that would defy all logic and the laws of basic human physiology! 

The only thing left to work out, at this point, is whether or not these burps that went astray are impeachable offenses.  Only time will tell if the President's lactose intolerance might prove to be his downfall, but I strongly urge Conservatives everywhere to take up this cause! You folks have been critical about so many non-issues the rest of us can't keep track of them all.  But the President whips up some tail-end turbulence, and you're all quiet?  Let me tell you something folks, you might not think of this as a big deal, but it is!  If one of his outbursts are silent but deadly, they could quickly escalate a diplomatic emergency, or cause panic and chaos in the situation room during times of great strife.  The President's farts might just lead to THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT.  We need to act before it's too late!