Former Minnesota Governor and GOP Presidential hopeful Tim Pawlenty has been targeted by a lawsuit, as his mere existence is an infringement of copyrights related to the 1980's cult comedy Revenge of the Nerds. Sources close to the case claim that Tim Pawlenty is "a nerd of the highest order, but not a witty robot-building nerd like Gilbert Lowell or Lewis Slotnick. He's more of a useless nerd, like Booger or Ogre."
The lawsuit is based on a claim that Tim Pawlenty's personality is actually a composite of several characters from the film, including Slotnick, Lowell, and Poindexter, but "without any of the lovable features that made those characters into classics," says Nerds director Jeff Kanew. "I mean really, you can't tell me that's a coincidence. Anyone with a personality that dull is obviously a composite of characters from our film."
Pawlenty's Presidential bid has gotten off to a very rocky start thus far, after his failures during the GOP primary debate on Monday, and his glitter-bombing on Thursday. Pawlenty hasn't been able to connect with anyone or make any reasonably unique statement on the campaign trail, leading to his widespread label as a GOP primary pawn-piece who may, if he's extremely lucky, end up in someone's administration as a Secretary of Transportation. Though not everyone agrees with even that position.
"To be the Transportation Secretary, you need to have a personality that doesn't bore computer monitors and other inanimate objects," explained Tim Pawlenty's wife, Mary Pawlenty. "I don't mean for that to sound rude, and of course I'm rooting for my husband, but let's be real here. I mean, no one is actually expecting him to be President, are they? So we're setting our expectations pretty low. Trust me, when you lose a bet and end up married to a guy like Tim for more than two decades, you get used to having low expectations."
It is believed that the glitter-bombing episode from Thursday is the most colorful experience of Pawlenty's life, which has otherwise been a near-empty void of black and white imagery and audio in mono. Some GOP analysts are hoping that the glitter-bombing may actually inspire some personality to show from the fledgling candidate, though the outlook remains as dismal as he himself is. "He once said that his own wife wouldn't have sex with him," explained GOP psychological researcher Dr. Fillmore Head, "and we thought he was telling a funny joke. But it turns out he was just trying to be informative and factual. We have no reason to believe that Mr. Pawlenty actually knows what jokes are. Like computers, it might be a few decades before he can really comprehend comedy."
As for the lawsuit, the case is still pending. Some activists are rallying behind Pawlenty, explaining that "it's just his personality," and that "[Pawlenty] obviously isn't clever enough to develop a character of that deadpan quality, unless he's Andy Kaufman and hasn't actually been dead all these years." The case will be reviewed by a judge this upcoming Monday.