I've had it up to here with this President Obama... if that is his real name. I just got done watching seven minutes of Fox News, and let me tell you, I learned more than I cared to learn about this Muslim socialist who hates America and wants to poop directly on our children. It's time for a change! We need a President that understands the plight of the working man, like Mitt Romney, whose totally more in-touch than that "community organizer" ever could be! Viva la... uh... nevermind, that sounded foreign.
I'm sure some fancy East Coast Hollywood Liberal Occupier who doesn't have a blue collar job like me will come along and whine about what I'm saying here, but come on! I can't even list all the things he's done wrong in his "administration," but I'll try to name as many as I can here.
Let's start with those pinko "bailouts" he did. What a load of crap! How dare he save the American auto industry, turning Detroit around so it's profitable and record-setting for the first time in decades?! Sorry comrade, but I think that's bull! And remember that whole "cash for clunkers" mess? Sure, you might show me "facts" and "statistics" that say it "worked," but come on. He's the most leftist President ever, so that means it didn't work!
And don't even get me started on Osama Bin Laden! What sort of bully is this guy, sending in a SEAL team and shooting the world's most wanted terrorist in the face? There he was, minding his own business, drinking a Pepsi and watching some porn, when BOOM, a bunch of Navy SEALS kick in his door and drill him in the head! What the hell, Obama? Haven't you read the third amendent of the CONSTITUTION?! Don't you know you aren't allowed to send soldiers into peoples' houses? Good going, you psycho jerk! And I heard a reporter say on television that Obama wants to "beat" Mitt Romney! What the hell! This guy needs violence seminars, right now!"
And TAXES! What's with this Obama guy and taxes?! Why the hell did he invent this "income tax" when he took office? He's a typical tax-and-spend Liberal, that's why! And the left-wing lamestream media will try to tell you that Reagan raised taxes eight times, including the biggest peace-time tax hike in US history, but ignore that! Reagan was the greatest patriot of all time, with the Constitution and Jesus somewhere just below him!
And way to go on all that "hope" and "change" you promised those idiots that voted for you, Obama. Where's the transparency you claimed you'd bring in? Yeah, government transparency has increased more under your Presidency than any other in history, but it ain't good enough! What are you hiding?! And I thought you said you'd be bi-partisan?! What happened to that master plan of yours, huh? Inviting Republicans to the table over and over and over again, only to get the door slammed in your face... that is NOT bi-partisanship. You're supposed to drop-trow, bend over, brace yourself for impact, and take whatever the Republicans shove your way like a man! Some "professor" you must've been!
And what's up with your supporting Gay Marriage? Don't you know that Jesus said he hates gays, right before he punched three in the face and turned a fourth into a leper? It's in the Bible. The JESUS bible, not the MUSLIM bible, give it a read sometime! I won't let a bunch of gays ruin the sanctity of my third marriage, no way, no how! My first marriage, to a girl I impregnated in high school? RUINED BY GAYS, when my then-wife was watching a movie with that Johnny Depp guy where he was wearing makeup. My second marriage, to the waitress I cheated on my first one with after she told me she hates Johnny Depp? RUINED BY GAYS, when that wife started watching "Glee." My third wife, who I married after my second wife left me because I'm a terrible father? Keep your gay hands off this one, she's MINE!
I've had it up to here. You can't see it, but I'm holding my hand above my head! I'm THAT angry about this jerk! What's he going to do in his second term? End the recession? Cure cancer? Stick Justin Bieber on a rocket and shoot him into the sun, along with everyone that has one of those stupid Bieber haircuts? Yeah, you liberals would like it if he did all that, wouldn't you?!
Read the constitution, Obama. It says "capitalism" and "Jesus is awesome" right in there! Who agrees with me? Let's go rant about it at our local Tea Party rallies!